Fiction

I don't know who I am
All I know is who I've been
And I hope I turn out
As someone different than him
Or so help me god
I think I might kill myself
To save the world
From having to deal with my bullshit
Please world if it comes to it
Won't you please
Turn off the lights on my life

The setting sun steals away
Any resemblance of happiness from my soul
But then why is it that I treat the night
Like it comforting to me
Maybe I'm just comfortable being sad
But wouldn't that make me just as bad
As all those people who have given up on life already
Shouldn't I feel the want to be happy?
Shouldn't I want to make it out of here alive?
Shouldn't I want to live a long life?
I think I failed at personhood
If this is normal then I feel bad for anyone
Who's has ever had to live

I know that I should keep writing my story
But it's two hundred pages in and it's so god damn boring
I'm not sure if its even worth finishing
My life is terrible inspiration
For my own bleak future
I know it's wrong but I'm just waiting
For someone else's story to intertwine
With my own
It's the only way that I can imagine
That my story would be worth reading
Nonfiction has never sat well with me
I prefer everything with a touch of fantasy

Time to own up to my life
Time to get my shit together
Time to wake up without wanting to die
Time to wake up from my dreams
Time to start my day wanting to be alive

Lady Luck

I slept with luck today
I asked her if I could
Borrow her for a couple hours
I need help with my
Day to day common interactions
I'm no good with conversations

I slept in with luck today
I guess that you could say
That I had a good time
I just hope that she stays
I could use her around
She makes me feel okay

I overslept with luck today
I got on her bad side
Everything is going wrong
Everything is starting to fall apart

I overslept with luck today
I got her bad side
I'm losing track of what I wrote
I don't know what to sing
It all changed in one night
A happiness decayed
Everything was alright
And now it's just okay
Everything was alright
And now it's just okay

Blue Bird (Satisfactual)

I saw a blue bird in my dream
He told me to wake up and see
That everything could be what i want it to be
I just had to try
I just need to try

That blue bird got me through the night where I put my heart on the line
You were the answer to my life
You balanced the equation
That is me

I saw that blue bird outside my window
The morning that you said
I would not be a part of your plans
Pushed to the wayside left on the roadside
I didn't know
Where to go

That blue bird he gave me hope
Told me the secret to growing up
Head in the clouds
Feet on the ground
Heart in a safe
Hope for the sky
Hold on to those
Four simple lines
Noted and filed in the
back of your mind

That blue bird helped me through my life
Gave me a chance to see the light
That blue bird helped me through my life
Gave me a chance to see the light
That blue bird helped me through my life
Gave me a chance to see the light

Lifesavers

I love my friends
More than I love myself
I want to end my life
Every time I open my mouth

My only future exist in other peoples dreams

I put my heart in my hellos
And thoughts in my goodbyes
Cause if the wrong person leaves
I might lose myself that night

I'm like fire fighter
And you're just burning bridges
I spend all my time
Trying to put them out

And I'm beginning to wonder if it's worth it

We all make the same promises
More times then we like to admit
"I will be there for you, always"
"I'll never be like them"
"I'll never let you go"
"Best friends forever"
Words to comfort an anxious mind
But they always fall so short

I'm trying to fight off the urge to call it quits

I just can't see this being worth it

But I love my friends
Way too much to just say goodbye

Lost, Lately, Leaving.

I lost my feelings
Somewhere along the way
And lately
I've been retracing my steps
In hopes that I can find them
Cause living without them
Is just not living at all

I've been disingenuous
To you lately
And I'm sorry to say
(sorry to say)
That you've changed to much
For my tastes
I'm cutting my losses
Saying goodbye

I'm just so lost lately

The tables turned at 4am
As I regrettably
Texted your number
You were everything to me
And I was nothing worth seeing

"I miss you"
Those famous last words
Have gotten me in trouble
More often then Id like to admit
They spell the ending to anything
I have ever been involved in
Still I manage to let them out
At least as often as I screw up
There's nothing more depressing
Then a friendship wasted

But your different now
And you lead me on
Then torture me by leaving
I simply think I'm sick of all this shit

Still
I'm so sorry it had to turn out this way
But I hate everything that you became

I'm sorry for leaving
I wish I could of stayed
But you've mastered the art
Of pushing me away

Gonna Go

That night you told me in a misguided
Attempt to protect me
That you wanted to leave me all alone

I realized in my solemn mind
That you were just like her
The one who stole all my memories away

I'm not gonna say goodbye
I'm just gonna go
I'm not gonna say goodbye
I'm just gonna go

And if you don't believe me
Well here's my giant fuck you to you
-swear a lot here-

I'm sick and tired
of this back and forth
love affair
Its obvious we weren't meant to be
By our broken soliloquies
We never understood one another

And just because I think I love you
Doesn't mean Im not
Willing to forget you
Im willing to forget you

And this week is gonna prove it
I swear I am done with you
In 100 and 68 hours
we'll see how I well I did

I'm not gonna say goodbye
I'm just gonna go
I'm not gonna say goodbye
I'm just gonna go

And if you don't believe me
Well this song is my giant fuck you to you

Perfection

I've spent years in dystopia
Inside my brain
I've spent years in dystopia
Inside my brain
I've spent a day in utopia
In your embrace

I remember that night
Pitch dark on my living room floor
The laptop lit up our bodies
My head on your belly
It was perfect to me

Now it haunts my every memory
And I think it's just a little bit funny
How something more than perfect
Has caused such a rift inside of me

I would wish to forget it
Like a name to a face
That I didn't meet
But it smiles back at me

I've spent years in dystopia
Inside my brain
I've spent years in dystopia
Inside my brain
I've spent a day in utopia
In your embrace

From the princess cut ring
To the yellow roses
I remember everything
Noted and filed
In the back of my mind
Where it will stay
For as long as need be
But for now it lays wayside
To inevitability
That bastard child of fate
That got in the way
It tore up vulnerable hearts
Like paper mâché

But for all it's worth
I had a good time
I tasted perfection
Just as sweet as I
Thought it would be

But for all it's worth
I had a good time
I tasted perfection
Just as sweet as I
Thought it would be